So, I read my journal notes and affirmations a few times this week, and took time to listen and follow my own suggestions 🙂 For instance, I focused on “love driven”, and I thought, if I’m feeling self-conscious, perhaps I can focus instead on giving caring attention to whoever I’m with, rather than worrying what they think of me. It helped me relax.
I have allowed myself to enjoy my food, and eat more, which I’m glad for. It seems that when I do this, it feels good at first because my body needs the food, and I’m glad to be letting myself relax and take it in. As soon as I start to feel I’m gaining a bit, however, the patterns kick in, and I feel very uncomfortable, physically and emotionally. I even have dreams at night that I am blowing up ~ gaining weight quickly and feeling awful about myself.
In my mind and heart I know that I am worth loving at any size, and that it’s what is within that matters! I am frustrated to still be dealing with these stuck patterns at my age ~ ready and wanting to let go of this!
So, I thought of asking for support from people who are understanding and close to me. I’m going to send an email to my husband plus several women (friends and family – fortunate to have them!) and request support.
I want to enjoy and have a little fun with it, using some humor and asking for things that would be specifically helpful to me. For instance ~ “Please send me a message or email any time, telling me I am worthy and beautiful inside and out! Please tell me I’m doing well, to keep it up, and I can do it! Also, please offer me food, or ask me if I’d like dessert?? Did I get enough to eat? I may not accept but I like to be asked. Also, please check in with me now and then just to see how I’m doing.”
I want to let them know what my weight goals are, and why it feels important to me to recover fully. I want to be healthy, strong, relaxed and present for myself and for them. I love them and I want to care for myself also. I’m putting it out there so I can shine some light on the situation and openly ask for their loving support.
I’m often trying to be perfect in order to be accepted and perhaps gain the appreciation and caring I seek. I am usually working hard and doing things for others. I am excited to try this and see how it feels to ask for what I need.