Ah, so! I realized last week, that I was slowly losing again, and actively in my pattern. It seems I don’t realize it until I become uncomfortable (anxious, low energy) because up until then, it all feels pretty good!
So, I reacted, as I often do, with my critical response (those with anorexia are usually hard on themselves!) and in a critical and serious way began telling myself “I need to eat more!” I kind of forced myself, which ends up backfiring with me, as my digestion gets wacky and my state of being becomes less than balanced.
And then I remembered that my topic to write on this week was planned to be: How to be Love-Driven (rather than Food-Driven). The above quote came to me…and I melted into the question, How can I increase the dose?
I began envisioning myself surrounded with love, and considering what kinds of things I could do to offer myself support. I put a few of my favorite plans on my calendar, such as: go to a yoga class, meet with a good friend, rest and daydream, and so on. I tried being gentle with myself, and affirming that it’s been a stressful year and I am doing pretty well.
I also reminded myself of a breakthrough I experienced in another area of life recently when I prayed and surrendered it all to my higher source. Why not try it with my eating/body issues? I have before, but I’m looking for a deeper level. This trickster is TOUGH and I can’t do it on my own!
I decided to turn it ALL OVER, to surrender and give it completely to that higher source of life, inspiration, and endless guidance and care. What that looked like for me was to tune in more fully, listen to that “still, small voice” inside that knows exactly what I need.
So – I focus on love, and put my mind to what is in front of me to do in my life. If I find I’m focusing too much on food, or anxious thoughts, I try to shift my awareness to loving thoughts, and things that bring me joy ~ like planning a bike ride or picnic with loved ones.
When it is time to eat, I tune in and sense what I want and need. It seems to be a blend of what is healthy for me, what is fitting in the situation (eating with others, etc.) the right amount at the right time for my true health and wellness. If I try to think about all these elements and figure it out (too much? not enough?) it doesn’t work! But if I sense, listen, and follow, it feels right. I also listen while I’m eating as to when it’s the right time to stop. This morning when I reflected on how it was going the past few days, I realized it just looked like being myself 🙂 All the elements I want and need are within and around me.
So far, I feel this approach is helping me let go of worry ~ I know the higher source will take care of me, and that I will get what I need. I am feeling peaceful to start where I am, and go forward little by little. Vamos a ver!